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Booze Lightyear
2015Seasons & Episode
Need tips on how to get a date? Booze Lightyear has all the answers. As certified pickup artists, you should try our patterned "she'll def hump me right now" pickup lines. You'll be banging your crush in the back of your minivan in no time.
Here at Booze Lightyear, we're pretty bad with relationship stuff. So naturally, we thought we'd try our hand at marriage proposals. It went exactly as planned.
Ever gotten a speeding ticket? Ever wonder how to get out of it? Let Booze Lightyear help you out. We've got all the answers.
Czech out these Booze Lightyear tips on how to land your dream job.
Ever wondered what's really in Taco Bell meat? Booze Lightyear has the answer. Also, Kelly had to go out of town to attend a wedding on the day we filmed, so she isn't in the next few episodes - but she'll be back.
For some reason when women appear on camera people leave some of the most vile and repulsive comments. So we here at Booze Lightyear thought we'd extract some of the comments on Kelly's videos and read them to her face, essentially building a sketch around it. In other words, we ran out of shit to watch on Netflix and we got bored and devised a clever way to sexually harass Kelly without getting in trouble. Also, we all collectively like eating pancakes for dinner sometimes.
This week we explore the accuracy of marketing and advertising, and its effect on the overall global economy as well as the implications it has on us as a society. You'll be all smart and shit after watching this video. Seriously, your IQ will jump by at least 75 points.
This week we offend ISIS. I know. I know. Only a terrible horrible no good person would offend ISIS. But yeah, that's kind of what we are here at Booze Lightyear. We're the absolute worst. Our grandmothers won't even call us on Christmas; that's how bad we are.
In this episode of Booze Lightyear, we take a look at how cable news outlets handle simple news stories. Oh, you'd like me to type something super clever here. Wouldn't you? Well, unfortunately for you, I'm simply all out of fucks to give. Seriously, I handed all of them out to kids at Halloween in place of those miniature single serving candy bars. I love those candy bars - but not as much as I love giving fucks.
Emojis are totally awesome, bro. They're straight up yolo, swag, and other slang words. But what do they mean? Pass the blunt to the left and pay attention while we explain the true meaning of emojis to you. And if you're on your best behavior, I've got some fruit rollups and pop tarts in the kitchen you can have.
This one time Booze Lightyear and I served a gay guy in restaurant we were working at. Immediately afterwards, we all went straight to Hell.
Think you're smart enough to run for president? We here at Booze Lightyear definitely aren't. But we thought we'd say "fuck it' and give it a shot. Really though, who wouldn't want to be president? We were under the impression that presidents are allowed to make sex all the time, and that's pretty much our goal in life. Just lots and lots of presidential sex.
I shall not write a description for Booze Lightyear this week. Enjoy the 35 things you can't say to your children.
Yup. Booze Lightyear is out there looking for employment again. So we went and did this job interview at this really cool place. Everyone was dressed in white and wore pointy wizard hats. They didn't call us in for a second interview yet, but our fingers are crossed.
Is it Gif or Gif?
This week on Booze Lightyear we stand in front of a green screen and crack jokes about moving images. I know, I know. It's a very novel idea. Well, we like to pioneer shit. Is that alright? Is that okay with you? You're not in charge of my life! Stop telling me what to do! I hate it here! I'm going to live with grandma!
Ever had to break up with your girlfriend? We here at Booze Lightyear sure have. In fact, we just found ourselves breaking up with your girlfriend last week. What a mess! She was sobbing and begging us to stay and stuff. It was awful. We'll make sure to never date your girlfriend again; that way we can avoid having to dump her again. Also, she farts in her sleep.
Awwwwwww yeahhhhh! Booze Lightyear is back with another video about break ups. We make breaking up look easy. Don't be fooled tho. We're lonely. Call us.
Booze Lightyear trolls a funeral! GOT EEM!!!
Yet again, another green screen video with jokes.
Need an attorney? Need a lawyer? Need a cuddle buddy? Call Booze Lightyear. Our attorneys at Booze Lightyear are also lawyers - and as an added bonus, we're also well versed in legal.
What do you do when your girlfriend asks you if she looks fat? Well, we here at Booze Lightyear have no clue. Seriously, we have zero idea of what to do in this situation. So we thought we'd pretend to be experts on the subject and give you advice about it. Funny how that works, eh?
Sup, bitch. Watch this totally amazing Booze Lightyear video about hating your job or we'll all track you down and steal your dog. Your move.
You want the GIFS? We got the GIFS.
Got sex questions? Well, we ask the awkward sex questions so you don't have to. Thank god for us asking these or you'd never know the answer. You're welcome. We like to think of ourselves as public educators doing a valuable service to society, really.
Made a little video discussing my occasional struggle with depression. Depression is obviously a very complex issue that can't be resolved by watching a simple internet video, but maybe this will make you feel better knowing that a lot of people struggle with the same thing. Everyone deals with depression in a different way and if you want to talk to someone about how you're feeling there are folks who can help.
Got MORE sex questions? Great, we have more answers which lead to more sex questions. This time the ladies are asking the guys. It's awkward. So very very awkward. You're welcome.
Booze Lightyear is a workplace comedy
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